Anthony

i don't know why i've been so hyperfocused on you. you probably hate me. you've probably completely erased me from your mind. you used to burn your notebooks when you were done with them and i wonder if you've done the same with the pages where we used to draw together.

sometimes i type your name into search bars on social media. linkedin, instagram, reddit. or really it’s anywhere i think i might catch a glimpse of how you're doing. i'm not in your life anymore, both out of mutual personal choices but also just, the way life is.

i bought zzquill. i bought the melatonin gummies to be exact. i love dreaming. i'm not a lucid dreamer or anything, but it's just. nice. for about 6 hours (if I'm lucky), everything feels better. i fluff my pillow and just, think about things I want to dream about.

sometimes i think about the time we went to the laundromat together. there's something about you frantically worried that your clothes will be too wet that'll always be funny to me.

i heard a song that reminded me of you today. i haven’t heard it in years - a part of me thinks that’s by design. somehow spotify has done a great job to not play the songs i’ve heard back when i was in high school, or rather when we were in high school.

i didn’t expect a text back at 11PM and especially not a match on hinge. i’ll be honest, i thought i had it hidden. a lot of my profiles go hidden every once in a while, just out of pure boredom, bad experiences with men, or just…exhausted.

i walked through the gayborhood in my town for a quick second. i just wanted to buy some tacos, but it requires a quick scroll through it and i haven’t really been there in a while.